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Its story time.. (well, a fragment of a story at least...) - I make hamburgers, I get all the girls... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Its story time.. (well, a fragment of a story at least...) [Jul. 29th, 2004|12:24 am]
[mood |hornyhorny]
[music |A Man of Constant Sorrow - The Soggy Bottom Boys]

The Galactic Guard is a force of space bound police officers. Their main duties involve curbing piracy, planetary invasion, contraband smuggling and dozens of other minor infringements of galactic law. Because President Von Strudel of the Galactic Council regarded all of these things as essential to the smooth running of the galaxy, he saw to it that the only thing that they were able to curb was the use of the phrase ‘pigs might fly’. A few alterations to the various laws meant that the only people who could make a decent living flying through the cold and lonely expanses of space were the pirates, smugglers, and interplanetary invaders. Naturally these sorts of positions weren’t advertised traditionally, so the many people who didn’t have a dodgy Uncle Bob or a friend of a friend of a friend to ‘get them in’ to the industry had to try more legitimate avenues, and the next best thing was the transport industry. Only the best of the dregs were chosen for the freighters and ferries. Any unsuccessful applicants were referred to ‘The Guard’. When the newest Galactic Guard recruits assembled, it was truly a sight for the human race to be ashamed of. They were the worst of the worst, dumbest of the dumbest; the most incompetent, inexperienced, uncoordinated and feeble minded law enforcement body history has ever known. Their weaknesses, however, culminated to form their biggest asset: They can’t be corrupted. Not because they’re loyal, but because they don't even understand the word. In fact, a recent survey of all senior Guard officers shows that 17% of them couldn’t find ‘corruption’ in the dictionary; 39% forgot what they were doing before they had even figured out how to open the dictionary; the remaining 44% didn’t know what a dictionary was. One officer even ate his survey paper, claiming that he believed it was his lunch.